Yes, I do realize my spelling of the title isn't correct but at the moment it seems to fit. :) According to mom I've been in a grouchy mood recently and I suppose I have been. I hate to admit it could possibly be related to Arthur but in part I suppose it is. Wednesday I got irritated with Graham for always "politely" kicking my feet at lunch... I've accused him of playing footsie with me and that still hasn't kept him from it. Well, Wednesday Beth accused him of it too and when he didn't deny it she accused him of having a crush on me. While I was incredulous, she began to list the reasons why it would be quite reasonable for Graham, or any guy for that matter, to have a crush on me and her last point was "you like horses and you're a horse person". And it kinda shocked me that being a horse person was a plus and not only in Beth's book but when I expressed surprise that it was considered a benefit Graham got in on it and went on about how cool that was. I just kept my mouth shut about it and changed the subject to something more comfortable... but I got to thinking about the incident the next day. And I realized a wound in my heart I never knew was there. Years ago when we were kids Art told me he had "no interest whatsoever in horses" and he and most of my peers then treated me like a freak for being horse crazy. And somehow I let that fester into a belief I didn't even realize I had. Somewhere, deep-down, I let myself believe that there was something undesirable about me because I was and am a horse crazy person. That somehow the rest of the universe ( minus other horse people and a rare few girlfriends) thought there was something wrong with me.. with us the horsey people. I guess I can't express how shocking and strange that there is one guy on this planet (who isn't a crass cowboy) who thinks the fact that I'm a horse woman makes me even more attractive. Mind you I've no intentions of falling head-over-heels for Graham Bruns. But I'd never even dared to hope there might be men like that out there who weren't ignorant cowboys. If there are boys like that, then maybe - just maybe - there might be some men too. I'm glad I had flower beds to weed all day Thursday. I weed anything best when I'm upset in some form. I cried for an hour perhaps... for the years of misconception caused by careless, unfeeling words, and for the hope I hardly dare to embrace. I know this may seem like an exaggeration but horses are something that define Megan Redding. I never made a conscious choice to like horses. Loving them has always been like breathing... and to think for so long that that could be unattractive and something my friends just tolerated about me. For me it was and is a big deal.. and I still have a hard time grasping it. It made me so angry at Arthur... it's hard but I know God gives me the grace to forgive him. It's my responsibility to make the choice...the feelings will come later.
*sigh* Finally getting all that out really makes me want to get out of this frump. :)
I went and worked at the Asheville Lyric Opera's Angel Dinner. Both of this season's baritones hit on me.. I think.. well at least it seemed like the guest speaker did... the other guy (Jonathan Ross) is a teacher at AB and teaches graphic design. He made it a point to talk to me during the evening and walk me out to my truck. I think he was just being polite but it felt a bit akward (I can't decide on how to spell that word. It looks like it's meaning.) I mean, we were in a very safe place and I felt fine walking back to my vehicle. There was actually a police car with an officer in it parked right next to me watching the parking lot (this was the Holiday Inn in east Asheville). *shrug*.. I guess it just reminds me of the whole Abraham thing in a way and ... he was really nice but I'll feel a bit more comfortable if I don't see him around for awhile. I suppose the next week shall tell us if does or doesn't stalk the cafeteria. The cafeteria!!! We're getting wireless in Coman and the cafeteria!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D WOOT!!!! Jay and Graham are pretty excited about it.
I survived the Bible study on Tuesday. It wasn't bad at all... only Drew and Erica and Mitchel came and I think they were the perfect crowd for me. We covered James chapter 2 and 3 and Pastor Rick came and sat in on it. Pastor Jay (Liner... Jay Henderson would make an interesting pastor to say the least *eye roll & smile*) said he heard really great things about not only me leading grow group this past week but about the other times I've taught. I guess that's encouraging... I don't know why it makes me feel sheepish. *eye roll at self* ha... church today... the sermon and everything was great except after two Sundays in a row of Brian making certain he got to sit next to me when I asked him where we were going to sit today he (and his mom) invited me to sit with them and then Brian made the comment "but you know this isn't going to help the stories that you're my girlfriend." I mean how bratty and stupid of him! ARG.... If he doesn't want to sit with me that's fine. I only really want to sit with him alot when Court's not there because I don't really like to sit with Shelly. ( Now I do love Shelly but I get distracted when she can't sit still and ... I dunno.. I like stittin' with Court.) So anywho... I'll make certain to sit with the girls next Sunday.
I got to study with Brooke and Caleb this afternoon. We met at Barnes & Noble and got a decent bit accomplished. Caleb and I got so tired of the calculus we got off on Paul shoulda been the first pope and not Peter and how there shouldn't be a pope at all and how time is a continue-um (aight... I really can't think how to spell it right now) and time dilation has something to do with coming infinitely close to the speed of light and isn't a jump in time's continuity. And then we decided we'd gotten in over our heads and went back at the calculus. :)... they can make me very annoyed but I do adore my "lost boys". Somedays they can be so interesting a sweet. Like Graham Bryant was being unusually sweet today in church... I'm not sure why... he still teased and such but there wasn't the hint of meanness that there can be with the Graham-boys. I got so see Nathan on Thursday too. My how I've missed having him around... I'll have to post pics of him soonly... he has a new gottee that he is very proud of. :) Kathryn says it makes him look like he didn't just escape middle school and (among other things) look like quite the hottie. I don't know about hottie... but it definitely looks good. :)
lol...Wouldn't I just be mortified if anyone beyond my girls ever got ahold of my blog address? But it does feel good to get this junk out. And I do feel a bit more obliged to keep it up to some extent since Hannah's away at school and I don't get to talk to my Becks as much. By the way... Becks.. I've tried to post comments several times at Daught of Isaac and it won't let me!!! So don't think I've been neglecting to read your blog... Hannah-Deeah.. I've gotten the fair pictures completely posted and I'm working on pictures from Jay's birthday and what we did to his car. They're at megapix.myphotoalbum.com . So that's all here for tonight. I've got a long day ahead of me tomorrow. I love you all and I love you my Jesus and Rescuer.
No comments:
Post a Comment