*Happy Bounce Bounce*

I've found this awesome new website! It's : www.biblegateway.com It's really cool cuz not only is it like a concordance but it has half a bazillion different versions of the Bible. I love it. :-D

Bordem at Work....aka Life in Computer Lab

*yawn* I have too much time to think in here. In ways it's good and in ways it's not good. I wish I'd brought my Bible with me. I think Friday's shall be my thinking days. LOL.. now if I could truly determine to be a functioning human being w/o thinking all the other days! That'd be awesome. My majorly big thought for today? What if it's not about keeping Jesus the creme in the double stuft oreos of our lives? What if life's more like the jello fruit salad stuff.. and we're the fruit and He's the jello? I mean come on.. it does say in... um... arg.. Colossians I think? He is before all things and in Him all things hold together. I may have to change my facebook religious views in light of today's contemplations.

Boo yah!!! It's Colossians 1:17. Did you know you can even Google the Bible online?.. It's amazing. I'm having a sleepy-amazing day.

To Be Loved by a Horse

... to sit in a pasture and be shoved a little by a soft muzzle, "you're sitting on my grass," he said.

... to have my "messy bun" wiggled around by inquiring horsey lips and the sides of my face and shoulders snuffled to her personal satisfaction before resting her horsey cheek next to mine...

... to land off the last jump of a perfectly ridden course, and shout my "Yeah! Baby! Whoot!" while he bucks his pleasure, and we laugh at our accomplishment...

... to scratch the itchy spots that an aging arthritic neck can no longer reach, and be ever so gently scratched by horsey teeth in thanks...

... this is one of the sweetest things on earth, to be loved by a horse.

A Sense of Community and Other Observations

I think what I miss most in my life is a sense of community, a sense of being apart of something bigger that I have in common with others, a shared love. soft laugh ... How have I come to this conclusion? Mom and I went to the Saturday portion of City League International show at the Ag Center this weekend. We watched the young riders (15 -18yrs) from all over the south (south as far as Venezuela and Columbia) jump their horses in the outdoor area. In the evening, we watched the Olympic level adults in the Mac Arena. It reawakened a place in my heart that aches. I miss showing. I miss the family-ish-ness of being a part of a barn and competing with my peers. I miss riding lessons. I miss jumping for the pure, unadulterated joy of it. With that ache comes the longing to be a part of a church family also. I won't even expand on that except to say I'm sick of it not existing and my family's seeming inability to find a place that we can blend and be a family with. sigh.. I think this underlying longing is what sometimes makes me feel almost panicky to get married or find "the one". It's not that I really need to get married, more that I just miss sharing life with people my age who really love what I love. I share my life with my parents but I don't know why I find that so difficult. Some of the difficulty is I want to feel like an adult, but I don't. And part of me blames my parents for that, but is it really their fault? I dunno. I hate feeling like a waif. I hate dreaming and feeling inadequate and ill equipped to see any dream a reality. And in spite of feeling this way I had joy today. It was strange. Mom sent me off this morning with a "wish" of meeting some handsome guys my age at work/school. It offended me at first. It felt like she was saying the prospects at hand (there's one-ish) weren't worth it. As if she had better in her pocket! And then as the day wore on I realized I was deciding that the pickings were slim and I'd better see if I can't settle and make do with what's at hand than to keep looking and never get married at all. Why do I let myself get into these silly ruts? She's right. Any day might be "the day". Why do I let myself get discouraged so easily and doubt so easily? sigh... why do I allow myself to live on a roller coaster of doubt and unbelief?

I dunno... but yes, joy crept in today and I am grateful. Sounds odd after my griping huh? chuckle... I don't know how God does it. I've found there's very little I feel certain of these days, but I do know this. God loves us, and gives us joy. There's way more to it than that... but maybe there isn't. "Be imitators of God, as dearly beloved children.." God is love. "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us". While we were still wallowing in sin, Jesus was about to pop with love for us and said "Yes! Go ahead and create mankind... They'll be worth dying for. I'll set the price. They are worth it." Jesus loves just as much when I'm an "uncleaned fish" as He does when I really am walking in His image like I was created to. That and my dance class have been my happy thoughts. :-) Oh, and I've been riding more and beginning to train the Stella (4 yr. mare) under saddle*. When I ride, I feel God's pleasure. :-).. but ya already knew that ;-)... well my peeps.. I need to end my rambles and get me to bed. I love you all!

"I love my God the first of all,
Then Him that perished on the cross,
And next, my wife -- and then I fall
Down on my knees and love the hoss."
~ excerpt from "The Hoss" by J.W. Riley


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(*trans: under saddle means I've been riding her a little. Up to this point I've been working with her on ground manners such as, picking up her feet when I ask, walking quietly beside me and observing my personal space, and other skills that will make her an easily handled horse)

Birth Pangs

All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what's enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our
expectancy.

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right along side helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity He restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun.
~ Romans 8:22-30 (Msg)

I wrote this whole passage out in my journal a year ago today, and it's more poignant... makes more sense now than it ever did. This pain, the universal frustration I see in myself and in some of my friends, is the pain of transition, I think. New things, new chapters are being birthed in us and let's face it. Giving birth ain't comfy. You could even say it sucks... until you see, until you experience the new life, until you hold the thing you've wrestled with. When you reach that point... the pain was worth it. I don't know if I'm at that point yet, but I can say I've grown tremendously. Yet in the bigness of my growth I still realize I have so much more to go. But I'm so grateful for the promise: "...he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun."