Stuff I've Been Reading Lately

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

"Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again. For however important chastity (or courage, or truthfulness, or any other virtue) may be, this process trains us in habits of the soul which are more important still. It cures our
illusions about ourselves and teaches us to depend on God." ~C.S. Lewis from Mere Christianity

"Oh love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in Thee;
I give Thee back the life I owe,
That in Thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be."
~George Matheson from Passion & Purity

Sine Waves

I got to meet with Hannah today and wow... I didn't realize how much I needed it. I think it was some of the best spiritually deep conversation I've had in a while. Not so much in that I haven't had a deep conversation with anyone else in awhile but.... we're on the exact same roller coaster. Our minds tend to work the same academically. The only difference is I am ready for a relationship and she's not quite there yet... but she has someone who I think will stick around. I hope he doesn't get distracted from her but anywho... that's not for me to worry about. lol.. in fact she and I both need to listen to her older sister. Worry is a sin!!!! Now to ENJOY the ride. To trust God that no matter where my relationships go He has called me to love and if that love leads to hurt then He is God enough to love me through it. Yeah, I already knew that... but, it's finally becoming living to me? Of course, just watch me. I'm not sure how long this place of "okayness" will last. We talked of how we've suddenly found ourselves in these intense struggles and it's not so much what we struggle with just that we find ourselves more fragile and craving security, joy, and peace and not always knowing how to receive it from God, but knowing that He must continue to be our source. And I suppose that's all I really know right now. *half smile* I suppose I should be heading myself for bed. I may post more on this train of thought as I process this evening more. I love ya'll! G'night

Ramblings

Hm.. as usual it's been awhile since I've posted. It's prolly because life still tends to be its usual rollercoaster and I'm spending my time learning to enjoy the twists & turns and ups & downs instead of stressing over them. *wry smile* And I'm not accomplishing that as often as I'd like either. Ah well...

There's only 8 days left 'til fall term starts. I think I've been deeply frustrated lately that I don't really know, or perhaps don't like, where my life is headed. I took Dr. Krumpe's advice and looked at job listings online and I don't find any of them exciting. So on a whim I went back and looked at St. Andrew's college and I like the looks of their Therapeutic Horsmanship minor. I'm aching for horseyness in my life again. It would seem strange that I would have this struggle considering I own a horse, but.... something always finds it way in to keep me from it. For my time off from work, it's been the heat. Mom seems to think I've been putting my social life first (not calling that a sin though, just an observation). Funny I should feel the disclamer necessary though. Is my heart telling me I'm sacrificing something I shouldn't? I don't know anymore. At any rate it seems all my academic endeavors beyond AB are hanging upon money. I refuse to go in debit. I don't care to owe most of my income to anyone when I first break free of college. I'd like to be able to start saving right away for land and/or a house. I sound so domestic don't I? %)... I guess I've been pondering what I want out of life and how to get there and if any of it is really possible. I kinda feel like Reb Tevye, in my own way. And then I went to boundless.org and read this article. :).. and mom's pestering me to get offline since my darling boyfriend isn't here for me to talk to. I'm thinking about calling him and telling him to get online. I need to call him about Friday night. And Wednesday next week. Why oh why can't life be perfect? *sly grin*
*sigh* *humming "If I Were a Rich Man" to myself* I'm not really in as bad a mood as I may seem to be. Oh! I get pictures back from whitewater rafting tomorrow! Happy thought! :) I'm not in as bad as a mood as I may seem. Just a rather contemplative one... internal struggles tend to do that for me. BAH! I'm gonna quit being a wet blanket and get outta here. Much love to you my peoples! May God continue to bless you and fill you with His love.