Cleaning Day

Today was a good day. I think yesterday and today have been the only good days this week. But that's okay. They are good and that's all that matters :). Yesterday we had to paint/write on Jason's car twice. But in a way I'm glad... we did better the second time... ;). I'll have pictures up on my album as soon as they have their server back online. But today I've been getting caught up on calculus and doing some much needed house cleaning. I got in some much needed Bible study time too... well kinda. It wasn't nearly as much time as I normally spend or would even like to spend but it was still good. I've joined the dance team at church recently and Miss Angie (Graham's mom) encourages us to dance in our quiet time too so that's what I did. After the stress I've been feeling lately it was like coming into a calm. I need to do that more often - dance/Bible study I mean. I'm finally feeling closer to being on top of things with calc now. Wanna know something crazy? I dreamed last night that I was integrating (tan x)^2 and I did it and it was no problem and it made perfect sense and the whole solution was perfect trig and the like and was totally correct. Now, it's not beyond me to dream about math. I'd say that's why I've not been sleeping very well is because most nights I'm dreaming about math that doesn't have mathmatical solutions or that i can't solve. So this dream was really weird in that I was able to solve it, but upon waking I figured it was just something Val had done in class or I had already figured in my homework. While I was working on 7.3 homework today, I had an integrand boil down to tan x squared. So I just went digging through my notes and my homework looking for it. I scoured and looked everywhere and couldn't find the integral of tan squared anywhere. Then, of course, I remembered my fundemental identity that tan squared is equal to secant squared minus 1. And of course Val had done secant squared in class. And then it hit me... I had no idea about integrating tan squared before last night and I had just dreamed about doing a problem I didn't know I'd have to do and not only that but had solved it correctly in my dream. Isn't that bazzar? Kinda cool.. but strange :).

I got to talk to Hannah Deeah today!! :D:D:D I'm glad. I miss that girl. :) I miss Nathan too. I guess I need to quit being my weird self about talking on telephones and call the boy. He has verizon.. I have no excuse. Kathryn still has my DVDs. I want my Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood back... I need to call her too.

(My comp is updating and validating and who knows what else and is being slow *quizzical expression*)

I finally got my seemingly endless array of books (at least the ones in my closet) on my new bookshelf today. I'm very pleased. I have such a wonderful selection of educational horsey books. There are other great books to. But right now I'm adoring my horsey books.

Oh I don't think I've posted this yet but I have my own nation. Yup! Believe it! I am the sole ruler of the Queendom of East Meganopolis. (I wanted it to just be "the Queendom of Meganopolis but it was already taken.) Anywho it's a part of Nation States and it's some kind of free online role play/goverment/UN sort of game? I haven't figured anything out yet really except I got to make my own flag which I'm really proud of and I spend entirely too much time online reading the description of my nation and noticing how it changes as I make legislative decisions. It's terribly addictive. I don't get to do the write up you see about my nation but I do get to pick what region my nation exsists in and my national motto, animal, and currency. Overall the stupid thing seems rather liberal but still I enjoy it. I'm thinking about leaving the West Pacific for Middle Earth though. I'm such a nerd sometimes. I'm actually wasting time blogging about my nation %) %)... ah well.. such is my life. At least I didn't name it something like "The Solidarity of the M*A*S*H* 4077"... I watch entirely too much M*A*S*H*.... I think I need to go to bed. But anywho... I wanted to make a post when I'm in a better mood... the ones I make when I'm grouchy and feeling overwhelmed don't sound too great :). Oh the stuff in italics in my last post are songs incase anyone was wondering.. I still can't remember the name of the artist who did the first song but when I do I'll lecha know.
Okie... I'm off for tonight. I love ya, my peeps.. stay strong.

I need You

I need more time
I need more money
I need more advice
I need more love

I need another chance
An open hand
I need more grace and pretty face

I need happiness
I need an escape
I need more sleep
And I need to feel safe

What this all comes down to... is I need You.

When will this week end? Granted I had fun on Friday with Court and Jay and Jessie and Caleb and lawnmower boy (Eric) and Justin. But I about "had it" with Jay and Justin. Just too much "boy" for one day. I still haven't posted pics from that fair trip. Church was kinda boring on Sunday except Laurel asked me to lead grow group next week. That freaked me out but I've emailed her and told her I would... if God sees fit to stretch me in that way then so be it. Monday started with a nasty mood swing and no sleep. And a really long day. I was suppose to study yesterday and ended up going to Jackson's (western tack store) with Courtney and Jason and Graham and Caleb. Calculus 2 is kicking my butt big time right now folks. How amusing my daydream of beating Brian's grade. I'll be happy for a "C" on the next test at this point. I haven't been able to focus at all this week. Tomorrow is Jay's birthday and we're gonna celebrate it on Friday. I called Court today about the gift that we were going to get him together and she told me that Eric had asked her if Caleb and I were going together. Mom has been saying that Caleb has a crush on me though I've brushed it off. So maybe it is true? Heck I dunno. I hope not. I love the kid to pieces but... 4 years younger? Just not wise.

The sun is set
The sky is clear
And I'm left wondering why I'm still standing here
Looking back on days we spent
When we lived and loved without a safty net

Now things have changed and will never be the same
I need a place to rest my weary head...

Catch me when fall
Save me from the tears
Though I might look strong
I'm not as I appear
Though I might seem brave
I'm really sad and lonely
Hear me when I call
In a voice so faint and small
Catch me when I fall...

Close my eyes and sing a song
Longing for a love that's deep and strong
Letting go of days we spent
I'll live and love until I find him yet
Some things have changed and'll never be the same
Until I find a place to rest my weary head.
~ "Catch Me When I Fall"

How is it I can miss someone who hasn't really been apart of my life for a while? And yet I miss him. I wish he were here. But why? Would we even have a good time? Would he even like my friends? I guess I just wish I could share a good/happy time instead of confrontation and arguing. Arg. And mom's irritated with me because I haven't been pulling my part of the load around here lately. How does one stinking calculus class make everything so dang helter-skelter? LIFE IS A CONFUSING MESS! Animal crackers are a good constant in life. There aren't enough hours in a day and even if there were I'm not getting sound enough sleep to make good of them. How the heck am I suppose to lead a Bible study when I'm so messed up? How am I suppose to help my friends keep on God's path when I'm blinded and can't find it for myself? Why can't I crawl in a hole and sleep good refreshing sleep and find it all vanished and life great again? WHY IS LIFE SO DANG STRESSFUL? *sigh* Somewhere in all this I'm suppose to find satifaction in God. Oh that He would give me a place to rest "my weary head"!... and so I must end tonight. I love you, Lord and I love ya'll.

I'm not prone to surveys...

...but I found this one posted on Arthur's former roomate's blog. If Dane (his ex-roomie) were better behaved with his language, I would give a link to his blog. But to protect the reputation of my blog and too keep from clogging up the minds of my readers with junk, I won't. But I will post my answers to the survey :).

Have You:
( ) smoked a cigarette
( ) smoked a cigar
( ) made out with a member of the same sex (That's disgusting)
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car
( ) been in love
( ) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) been in a fist fight
( ) snuck out of your parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
( ) eaten Sushi
( ) eaten snails
( ) played with an exotic animal
(x) been snowboarding
( ) been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel
( ) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
( ) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
( ) used a fake id
(x) watched the sun set
(x) felt an earthquake
(X) touched a snake
( ) slept beneath the stars
(x) been tickled
( ) been robbed
(x) been misunderstood
(x) won a contest
(x) run a red light
( ) been suspended from school
( ) been in a car accident
( ) had braces
(x) felt like an outcast
( ) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight
(x) hated the way you look
( ) witnessed a crime
( ) pole danced NEVER!
(x) questioned your heart
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
( ) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
( ) felt like dying
(x) cried yourself to sleep
( ) played cops and robbers
( ) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
( ) sung karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
( ) made prank phone calls
( ) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
( ) made out in the rain
( ) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe
( ) watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
( ) made a bonfire on the beach
( ) crashed a party or meeting
(x) gone roller-skating
(x) had a wish come true
( ) never have been on a date or been in a relationship
( ) break-dance
(x) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) ate dog/cat/rat food (all this stuff is gross... The smell is enough to keep me from trying it..now horse feed ;))
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them and obviously didn't mean it
( ) kissed a mirror
(x) sang in the shower
(x) have a little black dress
(x) had a dream that you married someone
( ) glued your hand to something
( ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole ( don't lick flag poles thank you )
( ) kissed a fish
( ) pushed someone through a window
( ) worn the opposite sexes clothes.
( ) been a cheerleader
(x) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
( ) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
( ) didn’t take a shower for a week
(x) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
( ) had a tree house
( ) are scared to watch scary movies alone sometimes
( ) believe in ghosts
( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes (I don't but June does!)
( ) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
( ) gone streaking
( ) played ding-dong-ditch
( ) played chicken
( ) got pushed in a pool with clothes on( no but I've been dumped in a river w/my clothes on)
( ) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
(x) broken a bone (multiple bones)
(x) been easily amused
(x) caught a fish then ate it
( ) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
( ) cried so hard you laughed
( ) mooned/flashed someone
(x) had someone moon/flash you
( ) cheated on a test
( ) have a Britney Spears CD
(x) forgotten someone’s name
(x) French braided someone’s hair
( ) gone skinny dipping

Anywho... I just found this interesting. Sorry this isn't a "real" post but I just thought it would be interesting for tonight... love ya'll!

Right now.. in this moment.. I hate springs

I hold an extreme distaste for the forces that cause them to be stretched beyond their natural lengths, and I resent that the work done to accomplish this is usually measured in Joules. I also hold little appreciation for zeros as place holders when there are more than three. (The fact that I continually lose track of how many I have is irrelevant. They should give us problems with smaller answers.) I loath 1 meter pipes on top of cylinder tanks of water that lay on their sides, and I don't favor lifting ropes that hang over buildings for the sheer joy of knowing how the force of gravity (weight) of them changes as I lift them. Well, to be honest I'd rather lift a rope than a leaky bucket. I can halfway see a reason to knowing the work needed to lift a rope but why on earth a leaky bucket?! No one's going to use one. And if they're in a situation in which they'd be forced to they're not likely going to have the time to sit there and do the math.... unless they're an over intelligent Robinson Crusoe. In that case, Nathan and Brian can just enjoy themselves. We'll send a boat out to check on them every couple of months until they get tired of being rugged mathmaticians ;). *Sigh* :) No, I'm not really that upset with calculus 2. I just needed to rant about.

Jason and Caleb went out and got new hardware for my guitar a few days ago. Today Jay replaced all the broken pieces and keys (which wasn't particularly easy and required "afro rigging" in Jason's terms). But it's all in one piece now and I even have it re-strung. I just need a tuner to get it tuned. But over all I'm pleased. It was an enjoyable hour fixing it. Jason worked on it and I worked on calculus. The cafeteria was pleasantly empty and quiet. I don't know if I have a point in saying this but it was relaxing to not talk much and just listen to Jay whistle and sing to himself as he fixed my guitar. And I got 2 homework problems done. I'm sorry Caleb didn't have the time to hang out. Granted, it wouldn't have been as quiet, but I enjoy Caleb and Jay's combined company. Yup, they're good brothers :).

On that note I miss having Nathan around. And Courtney somehow. I guess because of school schedules she and I just don't get as much time together as we did this summer. And it's obvious why I miss Nathan. He's not here.... stupid gas prices... there's a concert up at Ap.St. which would have been the perfect excuse to go see him and Isaac but the half tank of gas or so to get there is just too much. And stupid gas prices kept me from going to Camille's bonfire thing tonight. That rather stinks too. I miss Hannah too. I know she's 17 but she really did add to the maturity level at the lunch table. Or we just click... or both :). I just know that now I feel run over by youg'uns. Perhaps that will change. I hear that they've approved a N.C. lottery. I don't approve of that but on the bright side it's going to be run like Ga. lottery. All the profits go for free in-state college education. I just hope it doesn't have to be to a public institution. I'd be nothing for me to whack out a farm management or theraputic riding degree at St. Andrews College.

Welp... I need to get goin'.. I had hoped to post more than this but no so for tonight. I love ya'll.