Massive wet snowflakes are falling once again, and in spite of my distaste for the cold, the snowfall is lending a sense of quiet contemplation to the day. It's crazy, really. Springfield isn't any more inclined than western NC to get snow, but I suppose this is just a snowy year for the places I call home.
Yeah, I'm calling Springfield home, or at least southern Missouri. I do look forward to living in the countryside towards Branson someday. But for now I'm in the college town that, according to mom "has everything you could possibly want and a few things twice!" She came back with me at the beginning of the semester and the prepetual snowy weekends have her stranded here with me until the middle of next week. It's not a bad thing; I just fear myself getting too spoiled and it being even harder when she leaves. But having someone else living with me has made me contemplate more whether or not marriage is really all that great. I know, it sounds a bit odd but... am I really capable of sharing my life well with another person? Friends are one thing. Family is another. Friends are people you love but leave behind at some point for your sanctuary or peaceful place. Family are friends who live in your sanctuary and your interactions with them will affect the peacefulness thereof. Of course relationships are rarely one sided, but I find my own selfishness frustrating. I think I've grown-up but I perpetually find myself a brat. Yes, I could shrug it off as the difficulty of child-parent interactions, but would I really be any different with a husband and/or children? Would I desire less time to myself? Would I be any better about not getting distracted and accomplishing what I wanted to accomplish instead of going off on another tangent? Is what I wanted to accomplish that day really that important? Or even if it's equally important do I have a right to feel disgruntled when I don't accomplish it and do accomplish something else equally important. But then, I've given up what I would call rights. I have rights to nothing good. So I traded my rights in for grace and forgiveness and what good I would possess isn't what I have rights to but what is given me. *sigh* I don't have answers for myself, but I do suppose this is what life is about. Not becoming stagnant but continually moving forward seeking out God's wisdom and peace for every step of the way.
In other realms, math has been very good to me so far this semester. It's the major I was suppose to be in, at the college I'm suppose to be at. A math major at any other university would not be what is here at Drury... or at least, it wouldn't be what I would need it to be for me. Who'd have thought it? :-) But God knows what He's doing. It's up to us to learn how to quiet ourselves within and follow His lead.
