Butter Churn

I went down to Living Waters yesterday to visit. I was good but it churned things up in me. When I first got there I was concerned things wouldn't be good... everyone was grumpy. But it was hot and somethings were people's own fault. It was good to see the, for lack of a better word, "grandma" ladies. I love them. They're always so good to me, and I don't think I've ever gotten as thoroughly tired of them as I can get of other people.

Hannah didn't get to go with me. I kinda wish she had. But oh man. Dani woman unnerved me a bit. She won't go to the Warren-Wilson contradances because she sad people are practically manifesting out there and the demonic is so thick she simply won't go. I know there are people I typically wish to avoid though I haven't been able to put a finger to why. And Dani can't stand Asheville for the same reason. I practically live here and I hardly notice it. Have I become that dull? It concerns me. Can you live in that sensitivity all the time? Does God call others to more sensitivity than others? I mean there was one time Art was saying this lady in Thailand went in fetal position on the street laughing at him and some of the white people he was with. The first thing that popped in my spirit was it was a demonic manisfestation. Arthur just thought Thais rarely see "farongs"(whites) and thought he and his friends were funny. I want to know how such a westernized society gets away with whites being so rare that they are a specticle when they are around. I mean, not many farongs may live there but come on... I've heard Thailand is a favorite vacation spot for the Swedes and such. And you're telling me he and his buddies are rare, funny-by-mere-existence white boys? *sigh* I don't know what to think sometimes.

I got to see Maggie and Steven though! Maggie was polite but didn't have much to do with me (which wasn't surprising) and Steven was a sweetie. He's growin' up though... but that's to be expected right? :):) I love the dear boy and he's growing up and the changes are good. They just make me feel old sometimes.

Dr. John was there and it was so good to talk to him. He ask me how I was doing and when I said "Good" he said "No, how are you doing? Really." and I told him the truth that this feels like a wating limbo sort of place and it's hard sometimes.... sometimes getting married seems like it'd solve my problems but that I think I'm finally really getting a grasp on the fact that getting married and all isn't what's going to satisfy me. It's going to be as equally as hard if not harder that life right now. And anywho he was just encouraging that when you finally come to that point that you're truely not looking and you really have decided to be happy as you are and wait on Him, it seems He almost immeadiately gives you what you've most desired. John said it happened that way with him and Susan and with B.J. and Pam and be still and trust. He knows the desires of my heart and He will see them fulfilled.

I think, all I really want from life is to be at peace. And happy. :) But I suppose I have two ultimate fantisies right now. 1) I close my eyes and lean back against a warm chest with strong arms around me and smile in the security and am at peace. 2) Cantering on a horse... even jumping seems like all most too much to ask... but to be on the back of a horse.. and to be spending time with horses...

God help me find the time and regain the will to get back into horses. I think Mom doubts my love for them or at least my will to continue. I want to continue. I love them. It's just that they were a dream I had to kill to be able to make it through school, and I guess it's just scary to pick it up again because I don't know if I could handle dying to it again.

"Have I said anything about dying to it again? If you are to ever go away from horses, it will not be a death. Any more than your time ending at Living Waters hasn't been a death but a growing past something. No, you'll never grow past horses, but you will not be asked to let them go in pain without some glorious thing coming in occupying your time. No, school was not glorious, though you will not regret the sacrifice. I will not ask you to do that again. You may go on with school. But it won't be painful and it won't feel so nearly as much like an end. This isn't an end, my love, this is only a beginning. I love you, my dear. I love you. "

C Is For Cookie

And for the constant you add on to the anitderivative. One of the guys I work with came up with that. When you take the antiderivative (or integral) it's somewhat easy to for get to add your unknown constant on to the end. But! If you sing "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me" and think of Cookie Monster (which is likely a far more entertaining thought) when you're doing integrals you won't forget your constant. Of course I knew ya'll were just dying to know that ;). I'm glad to have been able to release you from your untimely death. Live long and satisfied with your days :).

And ya know what? I like that Thai people take off their shoes before going into houses. I know sounds kinda random, but I was at the Ferree's house last night and we always take off our shoes when we go in, except this time I went through the back door and they have a shoe rack there. I just reminded me of what Art had said in his blog about the Thai people and taking off one's shoes before entering. I think it's both polite to the lady of the house not to track dirt in and I think it's so welcoming of the family. To me it says "You're welcome and at home here. Kick off your shoes and sit a spell." and subconsiously Don't track dirt into my clean house! :) I just like it. We need a nice shoe rack at our house and I want to do the same thing in my home. It's a good thing. I think it would behoove southern society to accept it. It would behoove the American society as a whole, of course, but southerners set the pace for genteelness and therefore should accept it immediately.

Don't watch the movie Be Cool if you can help it. It's so stupid and has far more sexual crap than was necessary for the movie. And it's stupid and doesn't have much of a plot to speak of. The only part that I really enjoyed was John Trivolta dancing. Man! What I wouldn't give to be able to dance like that. It was some form of spiced up waltz or ballroom and man it rocked. He had such lovely rhythm. And he was sooo smooth. Ah! I drool to dance like that man. But he had light pink lipstick/gloss/some such on the whole movie. That was disturbing. On a whole the movie isn't worth watching.

I very much enjoyed Bourne Identity. Bourne Supremacy makes so much more sense now. And he went back for her. I love that. And he didn't kill the guy because of the kids. I love that too. Mr. Howard's comment though was she musta really liked the hair cut. I like that he had a lovely knack for washing hair. It's so wonderful to have someone wash your hair for you.... too bad he didn't have a knack for cutting it. *silly sigh*

I have such a strong impluse right now to dance. Not any fast-hyper dance but a slow, smooth 3 beat dance. Yeah, a waltz, but relaxed and dream-like. .... lost in thought... Oh that life's pen did not scratch and scrape so across my life's paper! God needs to switch to ball point. *impish smile* But plain lines would not be so beautiful as calligraphy.

I've wasted entirely too much time today. I've slept 'til noon and been on here 'til 3:30 pm. I need to do Bible study and accomplish some things. I love you all and my Heavenly Daddy especially so...

Megs

The Dark Sacred Night

The title is one of my favorite lines from "What a Wonderful World" sung by Louis Armstrong. :) I'll never forget the time Jason was walking me back to my truck after a class and we still didn't know each other very well and I said I liked Louis Armstrong and being the music freak and lover of oldies that Jason is, he started picking at me with Armstrong trivia that of course any true fan should know. I only know that I like "Wonderful World" and "Hello Dolly", so I was utterly lost. :)

Greg (the guy who asked me out with a graphing calculator last semester) has been stopping by math lab to hang out every now and then because he has a half hour break between classes and doesn't always have friends to hang with then. He came in today and told me he had a dream about me last night. He said he dreamed that we were at a big university and I was part of a dance team and that I was dancing all around campus. He knows nothing of the call on my life to dance. Isn't that just weird? God speaks to us in mysterious ways? He's a nice guy but I'm not particularly interested. *shrug* 'Course that doesn't mean I throw the dream out.

I really do love dancing but I'm getting picky. I like dancing with guys who I share brain vibes with if you know what I mean. They're the guys I don't have to think... we feel the music and the dance comes out the same in both of us. It's ever such a lovely feeling. I reeeeally want to marry a guy like that.

I got to tutor a chemistry person today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D And I knew what I was doing and it made sense to me and to the girl I tutored. I'm so excited! Chemistry makes my brain happy. I still don't like Keith. He came in today to find out what hours he's working in the fall. I don't think he likes me either. It's good feelings are mutual.

Life must be a whirlwind and I suppose the consistency is God's love and the ever spinning of the whole deal. But life is far better than hell. Wanna know how I know? I've found the exact definition of hell.

Hell: the place where you are locked in your own personal tanning bed
in eternal summer with no airconditioning and a thousand mosquitos and gnats are
constantly tormenting you and everytime you open your eyes there's a math word
problem or a pointless and utterly boring essay question that you MUST answer
and when you close your eyes there's a voice reading the question to you and
demanding an answer all the while the gnats are buzzing your face and ears and
the mosquitos are eating you alive. Occassionally a recording of people selling
AM-Way or timeshares or perhaps Jehova Witnesses will play just as you start to
understand what ever tormenting question is asked of you. Or a
tellemarket-er will call and you will be forced to answer
it. And this will continue for ever.

That, my friends, is the definition of hell. I've been in tanning bed and no ac. I've been tormented by gnats and mosquitoes. I've had to answer hideous academic questions. And I've chased off Jehova Witnesses. I havn't been made to live through the telemarket-ers. But as you can see I've compiled quite a vivid picture of what hell is or will or would be. (Note: I didn't add some of the other things like stupid people and audits by the IRS because they'll likely be too busy paying their own dues to be bugging their unfortunate commrades.)

Enough talk of the unhappy things in life :). I've gotten to ride a horse a good bit lately. It's been good. I guess I haven't posted any 4th of July or semi-formal pics have I? Perhaps I will after I post this. The semiformal was put on by Kathryn and some of her Catholic friends. It was in an Episcopal church and their pictures are absolutly confusing. I mean it looks like Catholic symbolism but then they fling jewels all across their artistry and really confuse whatever you thought they were trying to say through it. But the decoration of the fellowship hall was lovely for the Midsummer-Night's Dream theme of the party. And there was good music and dancing. It was good. And I got to meet Nathan's interest Meredith. She's such a dolly. And Mr. Vish took an darling picture of Kathryn and Chase together. I suppose if they can't work things out I'm at least glad they're friends. Chase is so much fun yet I never feel like he's being bad abandoning Kat. :) But anywho... I'd better get going.. that's just some random info on my life.

Well, one other thing. Being ready to get married doesn't just "happen" to you. Those days you really question whether or not you really are ready to are the days you come that much closer to being "there". And it doesn't just hit you. It creeps up on you bit by bit and you realize a lot of it is there but you truely do wonder if it's enough. I think that's how maturity and being ready to get married come about. They creep and grow very slowly so that you really don't realize how much maturity and strength in God you really have. So anywho.. I'm done with my soap box now.... I love you all and good night! (I love you Heavenly Daddy!!)