I'm completeing my first full week at Drury today. What a week it's been. Orientation was great, but reality.. in a way it sucks. Don't get me wrong. I'm doing "okay" in my most important classes (Organic Chem 1 and Calc 3), but I never anticipated missing home so much. I didn't really think I'd struggle with feeling inadequate and out of the loop here. At times I feel fat and ugly. Other times so horrendously old and frustrated with the lack of wisdom of my peers. The faculty here is wonderful. I find the student body to not be terribly friendly. They aren't mean, just... self centered? Ironically so if it's the case, because the curriculum here seeks to hammer a global perspective and thinking beyond one's self into us. And perhaps being here is amplifying my own self centeredness. No one here is too terribly concerned about my existence so long as I'm showing up to classes and work and producing what they want (whether that be insightful papers, correct answers, or completed work). But maybe half my problem is being too conserned about my own existence.
I intently dislike this notion that I simply don't fit in here. I feel like have no nitch at all... I mean yeah I'm a nerd and I'm anal retentive about school, but... I guess I haven't found the homeschool subculture here? If there even is one? I do like my new friends, but our paths don't cross as much as we'd all like for them to. (We collected ourselves together during orientation but we're all different majors and I think I'm the only junior among us as far as classes go... unless the magnificent Ezgi has some junior classes.. but she's an accountant so we don't overlap :o(...)
So life is by no means perfect. I have to keep reminding myself that it's a God thing that I'm here. He has a purpose for me here even if I'm not seeing it yet.
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