Hmmm... what strangely God ordained readings today. From reading 2 chapters in Captivating this morning and having something of a yell at God about it to Suzanne's ramble about needing other people in our lives. The song Hannah posted was perfect. The remembering why I chose the scripture or a scripture at all to describe this blog. If I do indeed have my own farm someday I believe I want to name it Beulah Land Farm or something with "Beulah Land" in it. Not only because Beulah means married but because that's my great grandmother's name too....
(Mother's complaining that my only "male communications right now are with an 18 yr. old". Arg. Like I asked God to please send me younger friends?! Like it doesn't totally freak me out sometimes? Like I didn't spend a half hour crying out to God this morning that I'm frustrated and terrified all at once? As if I'm not scared of not being a good friend and somehow failing what could be a great friendship b/c I get "needy" sometimes? *sigh* Why is this life so damn complicated could someone tell me?!? "Because of the Fall... because sin came in..." yes, I know why.. I just wish it weren't true. I have no answers; only hope that He will guide me and save me from my fears. )
Wow.. well that's not what I intended to post. Pero, que sera sera. I feel for Hannah right now. At first it seems creeps like you. Then guys who are too old. And now guys who are too young. But who's to say they really like you that much or that way? (the younger ones that is) Is there really no real shread of true "normal" friendship to be found? I mean... *sigh* I don't know what I mean. I guess I'm trying to rationalize or reason something to make it okay for him to call me and me to enjoy talking to him alot. ARG!!!!!!!!! I want out of this place. I want to live in a place where it's okay to be real and only people who know how to love like God wants us to love live and that we could all love perfectly like God wants us to so we could all live there. sarcastically: Why can't I just live in a perfect world?! humph! "male communication" who am I suppose to talk to? Brian? Drew? B's just B. End of story... heaven forgive me but Drew's just not good looking and not my type okay? So let's see... the rest are too young and just friends anyway... oh and Nathan's too catholic/i'm too protestant... we both argee to that. Why the hell do I have to analyze all my relationships like this? So there's no such thing as "normal". I admit that much. Why isn't there a place that's consistently good? Why is it so hard to get away from my fears? I'm asking questions I don't think have answers concrete enough to satisfy me. And now I feel bad I've just dumped all this on my readers. How is it you can so thoroughly enjoy someone's company and that person can still make you smile b/c of the silliest things and it's still all wrong or seems that way? I hate how it grates on me to live under her criticism whether she's right in a situation or not. Shall I cease to have friends all together? That's what it feels like somedays.
I wish the longing would go away. And the lovely daydream... it reminds me of Alexandria's daydream in the movie O! Pioneers. She dreamed of someone strong lifting her up like she weighed no more than a bundle of wheat. And that strength holding her.... I just detest this defeated feeling. I know it's the enemy. But how much longer, eh? Sometimes I don't even really want to be married so much as God to just come in and satisfy my heart. To not feel the longing... for a day. But I wouldn't be happy for a day... I'd want it everyday. So, God, come! Fill this hole You've purposely left in Your shape. You made me in Your image but left me hollow... fill me and satisfy my thirst. Make all the shadows of fear depart. Show me the right way. Teach me to be strong and consistent. Show me to love like You love. Teach me how to be the friend and woman you called me to be. And let tomorrow be good. *sigh* I love you, Lord.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Cowlicks:
1) sections of hair that go awry, usually caused by invisible cows that come in the night and lick one's hair; sometimes the invisble cows become visible to one's cat in which case the cat attacks the invisble cows and honestly has no intention of murdering her beloved staff member (though sometimes the startled staff member wonders)
2) blocks of salt or large molasses feeding apparatus put out for cows to lick and cosume necessary nutrients; usually used in the winter though salt licks may be left out year round
(taken from Megan's Life Dictionary of Common and Uncommon Terms.. copyright pending ;)...)
2) blocks of salt or large molasses feeding apparatus put out for cows to lick and cosume necessary nutrients; usually used in the winter though salt licks may be left out year round
(taken from Megan's Life Dictionary of Common and Uncommon Terms.. copyright pending ;)...)
Monday, January 16, 2006
Parking Lots Are Good for the Soul
You think I'm crazy? Talk to Hannah or Courtney or Caleb or Jason or Brian or Graham or keep reading my blog :). Parking lots are good for the soul. They're for dancing in, having long conversations in, and explaining my unsettled-ness to mom and having a good cry in. Good crys are good for the soul too. They're even better in an empty-ish parking lot while spilling your troubles out to mom. It's strange. I usually don't like telling her because sometimes I guess I fear she'll over react or I dunno... she's mom ya know? But today it was good and I needed it. And I'm so much better again. I should lose my sanity one day and write a thorough essay on why I love almost empty parking lots. (It would be loss of sanity, becca dear, b/c I hate writing papers.)
...there's no where else that I'd rather be
than dancin' with You as You sing over me
there's nothing else that I'd rather do
more than to worship You...
Or at least that's how I remember the praise song going. :) I'm tired and don't really have much more to say. But I felt it quite necessary to make that statement about parking lots. Oh and becca, I like the "why adults should read children's lit" for your senior project... unless you really like the amer. folklure better. That's my opinion. I see why you like that love song too... :). Hannah-Deeah, have that latin tattoo on a green clover background ;). In fact, go ahead and make it a four leaf clover. I'll just have "DON'T PANIC" in large friendly letters on my left hand and a fully labled unit circle on my right. I am going to change the message thing on my phone. I'll try to this week. ;)
I love you my dears and I thank God for you almost daily! (well, you girls daily.. the boys on the days they don't annoy me..lol... just kidding! ;).) Lots of love!!
...there's no where else that I'd rather be
than dancin' with You as You sing over me
there's nothing else that I'd rather do
more than to worship You...
Or at least that's how I remember the praise song going. :) I'm tired and don't really have much more to say. But I felt it quite necessary to make that statement about parking lots. Oh and becca, I like the "why adults should read children's lit" for your senior project... unless you really like the amer. folklure better. That's my opinion. I see why you like that love song too... :). Hannah-Deeah, have that latin tattoo on a green clover background ;). In fact, go ahead and make it a four leaf clover. I'll just have "DON'T PANIC" in large friendly letters on my left hand and a fully labled unit circle on my right. I am going to change the message thing on my phone. I'll try to this week. ;)
I love you my dears and I thank God for you almost daily! (well, you girls daily.. the boys on the days they don't annoy me..lol... just kidding! ;).) Lots of love!!
Doc Chey's & Mexican Staredowns
Yeah.. that's where we went to eat after church today. Graham's dad wanted me to call him and tell him if Graham actually ate anything there. He made the point of explaining to me why Graham had no idea where the place was (it doesn't serve burgers or fries... it's a noodle house btw). Graham did get some kind of Thai wraps. The rest of us Chow Mien ppl. That was kind of amusing.
Church was really good today. I'm glad I went. I just don't have the energy to explain it here. :)
I feel like a loud mouth idiot sometimes.
Oh going with the previous thought I ratted on myself and told Graham about the embarrassing part of the video. He talked me into letting him watch it. He has sworn to not say anything to me about it and if he does I'm suppose to ask... I guess Jenny or his brother Ben, about some very embarrassing video footage of him. He did promise to not let his dad see it. Small victories?
I've had the first real conversation w/Art tonight in what seems like years. It's good to be whole, and for bitterness and anger to be washed away. Life is better. lol... relationships concerned are better for it. duh? :)
"I'm woman. I'm invincible. I am tired" - one Miss Wendy's t-shirts.
Tomorrow's Martin Luther King Day.... woot.... mom's crazy and wants to go shopping.
Ice skating is ankle building exercise.
btw... Doc's is the eatery...mexican staredowns are G's favorite bordem game... I need to find that boy a good nickname... I'm offically tired and should go to bed. :)
Church was really good today. I'm glad I went. I just don't have the energy to explain it here. :)
I feel like a loud mouth idiot sometimes.
Oh going with the previous thought I ratted on myself and told Graham about the embarrassing part of the video. He talked me into letting him watch it. He has sworn to not say anything to me about it and if he does I'm suppose to ask... I guess Jenny or his brother Ben, about some very embarrassing video footage of him. He did promise to not let his dad see it. Small victories?
I've had the first real conversation w/Art tonight in what seems like years. It's good to be whole, and for bitterness and anger to be washed away. Life is better. lol... relationships concerned are better for it. duh? :)
"I'm woman. I'm invincible. I am tired" - one Miss Wendy's t-shirts.
Tomorrow's Martin Luther King Day.... woot.... mom's crazy and wants to go shopping.
Ice skating is ankle building exercise.
btw... Doc's is the eatery...mexican staredowns are G's favorite bordem game... I need to find that boy a good nickname... I'm offically tired and should go to bed. :)
Saturday, January 14, 2006
The Cosby Show
I've grown up watching the Cosby Show and I still love it. Mom and I were watching it tonight and I want to be like Mr. and Mrs. Huxtable when I get married. Except not that many kids ;). It's just so sweet how they're still in love with one another. I never ever want that to go away... sure there are moments when you don't feel it but they don't have to be the norm... if there is such a thing as "normal". I think I think about getting married too much. :-p
I gave choreographing about an hour or more of my time today. Thank You, Jesus, for the creativity returning! I certainly don't have the whole thing down but I definitely made some good progress. I just need to somehow convey to the rest of the team that they too are gonna have to mime this one. I can't be in utter torment if my demons are only tormenting me with their hands. I guess I'm saying I can't tell the story alone. We can all pull this off and make it a great piece but we're gonna have to tell the story together. And I need the wisdom and the guts to pull Angie off to the side and tell her that. I don't want to challenge her authority or seem that way or seem pushing or anything. I'm quite happy that she's in charge and I love her alot. Mom says that I view her so much as a mom that I'm a little too hesitant to speak with her on more equal terms... but how could I? She is a mom.. her oldest is older than me. I know she respects me as not being her child and being an adult but still.. I'm a young'un to her. *sigh* I keep getting stretched don't I? I just want to say what needs to be said while remaining respectful and non-threatening if that makes any sense.
I got a new battery for my cell phone today. Now it won't be stupid and need charging every hour for an hour. %)
I've got two different songs wafting through my head and both of them are kinda depressing to listen to in their entirety: "Breathe (2am)" and "Catch Me When I Fall"
...I need a place to rest my weary head
Catch me when I fall
Save me from the tears
Though I might look strong
I'm not as I appear
Though I might seem brave
I'm really sad and lonely
Hear me when I call
In a voice so faint and small
Catch me when I fall
Except that line "I'm really sad and lonely" isn't true. I don't feel sad and I have such good and dear friends I can't really say I'm truly lonely. Its more agitated... unsettled... goaded, and uncertain. I don't like my heart being stretched out. I don't like that one's capacity to hurt is equal to capacity to love. I want to love more, yes. But I'm terrified of hurt. Aren't we all? Where is the escape from it? Yet there must be some comfort in the love. Yes, the fact that in spite of the discomfort in my soul, I am not lonely or isolated. That is the comfort. I love my church. I'm so glad to be there and for my friends there. I guess I'm just scared of the change that seems to be coming at me - at us - unevitably. The changes I know of, like increase in horse stuff, I welcome. It's the other changes and longings that are still nameless and unknown. Is there really that much comfort in having that "special someone" to share in these changes with? Or will there still be the fear that we won't change together in a good way but that one of us might become "bad" and all our joys would end? Or am I just entirely morbid for a single 21 year old? There are days it seems marriage is nothing more than two friends raising kids together and getting along. That it's rather easy though not without it's rough spots and more than one person could easily "fit the bill", it just depends on chance bringing you together with who at what time. Then there are other days when it seems like there could only be one person who could possibly be "the one" and if you're not careful you'll miss him or he'll miss you or you'll both screw something up and be miserable the rest of your lives. The truth must be somewhere in the middle... or unrelated at all. And I prolly shouldn't be contemplating these questions at such "ungodly" hours of the morning. I hate walking in this mental fog. Math makes more sense and is much more logical than life. Perhaps that's why I find it easy to bury all this when I'm taking classes. But it needs to be reckoned with. And I prolly am morbid for a 21 year old. Maybe we're all morbid about something. Or am I just trying to comfort myself with calling it a part of my humanity? It's prolly a little of both. %) Maybe that's the answer to everything: A little bit of both. I just wish I could shut my brain off... or that over analytical portion of it. And turn it back on when I need it.
Nicky did well again today. The weather turned wet and sounds icky and windy/cold right now so I prolly won't be working him tomorrow. I'll prolly being doing housework. Blech. Perhaps it would be good to go to bed and stop thinking now. I think I shall.
No one can find the rewind button now,
Sing it if you understand
And breathe, just breathe
Whoa breathe, just breathe....
God give us peace and wisdom. We need it so.
I gave choreographing about an hour or more of my time today. Thank You, Jesus, for the creativity returning! I certainly don't have the whole thing down but I definitely made some good progress. I just need to somehow convey to the rest of the team that they too are gonna have to mime this one. I can't be in utter torment if my demons are only tormenting me with their hands. I guess I'm saying I can't tell the story alone. We can all pull this off and make it a great piece but we're gonna have to tell the story together. And I need the wisdom and the guts to pull Angie off to the side and tell her that. I don't want to challenge her authority or seem that way or seem pushing or anything. I'm quite happy that she's in charge and I love her alot. Mom says that I view her so much as a mom that I'm a little too hesitant to speak with her on more equal terms... but how could I? She is a mom.. her oldest is older than me. I know she respects me as not being her child and being an adult but still.. I'm a young'un to her. *sigh* I keep getting stretched don't I? I just want to say what needs to be said while remaining respectful and non-threatening if that makes any sense.
I got a new battery for my cell phone today. Now it won't be stupid and need charging every hour for an hour. %)
I've got two different songs wafting through my head and both of them are kinda depressing to listen to in their entirety: "Breathe (2am)" and "Catch Me When I Fall"
...I need a place to rest my weary head
Catch me when I fall
Save me from the tears
Though I might look strong
I'm not as I appear
Though I might seem brave
I'm really sad and lonely
Hear me when I call
In a voice so faint and small
Catch me when I fall
Except that line "I'm really sad and lonely" isn't true. I don't feel sad and I have such good and dear friends I can't really say I'm truly lonely. Its more agitated... unsettled... goaded, and uncertain. I don't like my heart being stretched out. I don't like that one's capacity to hurt is equal to capacity to love. I want to love more, yes. But I'm terrified of hurt. Aren't we all? Where is the escape from it? Yet there must be some comfort in the love. Yes, the fact that in spite of the discomfort in my soul, I am not lonely or isolated. That is the comfort. I love my church. I'm so glad to be there and for my friends there. I guess I'm just scared of the change that seems to be coming at me - at us - unevitably. The changes I know of, like increase in horse stuff, I welcome. It's the other changes and longings that are still nameless and unknown. Is there really that much comfort in having that "special someone" to share in these changes with? Or will there still be the fear that we won't change together in a good way but that one of us might become "bad" and all our joys would end? Or am I just entirely morbid for a single 21 year old? There are days it seems marriage is nothing more than two friends raising kids together and getting along. That it's rather easy though not without it's rough spots and more than one person could easily "fit the bill", it just depends on chance bringing you together with who at what time. Then there are other days when it seems like there could only be one person who could possibly be "the one" and if you're not careful you'll miss him or he'll miss you or you'll both screw something up and be miserable the rest of your lives. The truth must be somewhere in the middle... or unrelated at all. And I prolly shouldn't be contemplating these questions at such "ungodly" hours of the morning. I hate walking in this mental fog. Math makes more sense and is much more logical than life. Perhaps that's why I find it easy to bury all this when I'm taking classes. But it needs to be reckoned with. And I prolly am morbid for a 21 year old. Maybe we're all morbid about something. Or am I just trying to comfort myself with calling it a part of my humanity? It's prolly a little of both. %) Maybe that's the answer to everything: A little bit of both. I just wish I could shut my brain off... or that over analytical portion of it. And turn it back on when I need it.
Nicky did well again today. The weather turned wet and sounds icky and windy/cold right now so I prolly won't be working him tomorrow. I'll prolly being doing housework. Blech. Perhaps it would be good to go to bed and stop thinking now. I think I shall.
No one can find the rewind button now,
Sing it if you understand
And breathe, just breathe
Whoa breathe, just breathe....
God give us peace and wisdom. We need it so.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Day 52 of 52 Days of Integrity
Wow... so my church's 3 day fast ended yesterday and now we're studying 52 days of integrity counting down. There seems like so much swimming in my head right now. I worked Nick today and how sweet it is to see improvement. And it was wonderful to have patience with him too. I'm almost scared to let the old desire come back for fear I'll only be disappionted. Oh what joy awaits me to ride again. And show! Of all things! :D Who needs sugar plums when images of magnificent rides, perfectly ridden courses, and seemingly effortless team work between horse and rider are in my head?
And then tonight we worked on choreographing "Set Me Free" on the new Casting Crowns CD at dance practice and I'm scared. Angie wants/expects me to mime alot, and I coulda backed out already but part of me really wants to do this. It's just been so long...longer than horse stuff? Is all that creativity still in there? It's really gonna take God for me to have the strength (creative and physical) to pull this off. I just hope and pray that I don't encounter "ghosts in my past" from this. I mean... all the crap we went though with Holly and New Covenant in general. I know mom's right; there's a lot of good acting and talent in me still yet to be seen. I'm just scared there are memories I'd rather forget attached to it. It sounds stupid but it's still startling how painful childhood wounds can be. And then Pastor Jay said tonight that he'd like to have me over to dinner or he and his oldest son (16 years) may like to take me to lunch next week. Or something like that. It just seems stressful and it shouldn't. And Jenny asked me to pray about helping her and Ben with drama/theater with the youth. I know this is all my background but still. Why am I so easily startled? And can I really handle the extra responsiblity? I can't even remember to call Caleb's mom back! *eye roll* HA! I want life to "happen" for me and soon but when it does in little ways I freak out and get overwhelmed. Only me, eh?
My restful or at peace moments today were working Nick and seeing progress and turning him out in the pasture after working him and having him follow me back up to the gate. And my other good moment was playing with Caroline (9 years). She's taking basketball or playing on a team and Ben (her big bro) had been giving her a hard time teasing her with the ball but when I left she came outside with me and we had fun stealing the ball from each other. My basketball skills are only a hair better than hers so we had alot of fun.
Why does life seem to be great and crashing or at least pressing really hard all at once? *sigh* I screwed up times sheets yet again. *shrug* Just felt like mentioning that. Jason bought me and Mary-Lisa fries today. I was only teasing him when I "demanded" he buy them. But he did it anyway. I'll have to remember to get him some fries later in the semester. I feel so distraught and I don't really know why. ARG!!! This why I don't like being a girl. I don't understand my own emotions. Otherwise I love dressing up (I can't believe I just said that), and I guess just being me. Who am I though? *eye roll* I'm thinking too much. Or coming up with too many questions w/o the gumption or ablility to answer them. La de da de da.......
yeah.. that's pretty much the contents of my mind right now... or at least as much as I'm gonna post here for tonight. I should get me to bed....... or a nunnery.... or both *goofy-yet-exasperated-with-self smile* oh.. one more random thing. I found quoting "Jabberwocky" to myself and Nick quite delightful of all things. It just gave me such a joyful carefree feeling.
...Daddy God, I'm simply not gonna make it without You. Please give me Your wisdom and peace in these decisions I need to make. Help me keep my heart on track. Please give me some new insight of creativity in this song. I know I'm where You want me at this church and on this dance team. I know You gave me the creativity and ability in the first place. And I know You can restore what fear and the enemy have tried to steal from me. And for one silly last prayer *sheepish look*... I want Angie and Jenny to glean the good stuff from that camp video but pleeease pleeeease pleeeease let them skip over that part with me looking and dancing dorky to Shackles... and especially don't let Graham see it. Or Ben, or Tim for that matter. I know that's shallow but I really don't want to have to live that one down. *embarassed face* Okay.. so maybe that's what's bugging me. I hope I'm not so shallow I can't handle myself being stupid. *sigh* Daddy, I just need Your peace so I can sleep and have a good day tomorrow.... I love You. And thank You for loving me in spite of myself and my insanities. Thank You for the wonderful friends You've put in my life. Show me how to love them like You do. And really how to love myself like You do. *quirked mouth* You know I don't mean to be conceited... so I'd better just go to sleep while I'm ahead....G'night and much love.
And then tonight we worked on choreographing "Set Me Free" on the new Casting Crowns CD at dance practice and I'm scared. Angie wants/expects me to mime alot, and I coulda backed out already but part of me really wants to do this. It's just been so long...longer than horse stuff? Is all that creativity still in there? It's really gonna take God for me to have the strength (creative and physical) to pull this off. I just hope and pray that I don't encounter "ghosts in my past" from this. I mean... all the crap we went though with Holly and New Covenant in general. I know mom's right; there's a lot of good acting and talent in me still yet to be seen. I'm just scared there are memories I'd rather forget attached to it. It sounds stupid but it's still startling how painful childhood wounds can be. And then Pastor Jay said tonight that he'd like to have me over to dinner or he and his oldest son (16 years) may like to take me to lunch next week. Or something like that. It just seems stressful and it shouldn't. And Jenny asked me to pray about helping her and Ben with drama/theater with the youth. I know this is all my background but still. Why am I so easily startled? And can I really handle the extra responsiblity? I can't even remember to call Caleb's mom back! *eye roll* HA! I want life to "happen" for me and soon but when it does in little ways I freak out and get overwhelmed. Only me, eh?
My restful or at peace moments today were working Nick and seeing progress and turning him out in the pasture after working him and having him follow me back up to the gate. And my other good moment was playing with Caroline (9 years). She's taking basketball or playing on a team and Ben (her big bro) had been giving her a hard time teasing her with the ball but when I left she came outside with me and we had fun stealing the ball from each other. My basketball skills are only a hair better than hers so we had alot of fun.
Why does life seem to be great and crashing or at least pressing really hard all at once? *sigh* I screwed up times sheets yet again. *shrug* Just felt like mentioning that. Jason bought me and Mary-Lisa fries today. I was only teasing him when I "demanded" he buy them. But he did it anyway. I'll have to remember to get him some fries later in the semester. I feel so distraught and I don't really know why. ARG!!! This why I don't like being a girl. I don't understand my own emotions. Otherwise I love dressing up (I can't believe I just said that), and I guess just being me. Who am I though? *eye roll* I'm thinking too much. Or coming up with too many questions w/o the gumption or ablility to answer them. La de da de da.......
yeah.. that's pretty much the contents of my mind right now... or at least as much as I'm gonna post here for tonight. I should get me to bed....... or a nunnery.... or both *goofy-yet-exasperated-with-self smile* oh.. one more random thing. I found quoting "Jabberwocky" to myself and Nick quite delightful of all things. It just gave me such a joyful carefree feeling.
...Daddy God, I'm simply not gonna make it without You. Please give me Your wisdom and peace in these decisions I need to make. Help me keep my heart on track. Please give me some new insight of creativity in this song. I know I'm where You want me at this church and on this dance team. I know You gave me the creativity and ability in the first place. And I know You can restore what fear and the enemy have tried to steal from me. And for one silly last prayer *sheepish look*... I want Angie and Jenny to glean the good stuff from that camp video but pleeease pleeeease pleeeease let them skip over that part with me looking and dancing dorky to Shackles... and especially don't let Graham see it. Or Ben, or Tim for that matter. I know that's shallow but I really don't want to have to live that one down. *embarassed face* Okay.. so maybe that's what's bugging me. I hope I'm not so shallow I can't handle myself being stupid. *sigh* Daddy, I just need Your peace so I can sleep and have a good day tomorrow.... I love You. And thank You for loving me in spite of myself and my insanities. Thank You for the wonderful friends You've put in my life. Show me how to love them like You do. And really how to love myself like You do. *quirked mouth* You know I don't mean to be conceited... so I'd better just go to sleep while I'm ahead....G'night and much love.
Friday, January 06, 2006
Am I Dreamin' Or Stupid?
Welp, Brian asked Dominique to go fish shopping with us so his intent wasn't to pump info out of me about Graham. We did have a blast fish shopping! Brian got 10 fish and Dominique and I named them all.... well all but 2. Brian really wanted one named Neo and one named Wolverine so he got those two and the rest we named after movies or movie characters: Tinkerbell, Lucy, Mr. Tumnus, Capt. Jack Sparrow, Strider, Teal'c, Serenity, and Jack-jack. When we left Brian's house after seeing his beloved new fishies safely in their new home, Brian was "baby/fishie talking" to them. Yeah, weird but aren't we all? ;) At the store there was one tiny fish in a tank with a bunch of big fish that were lazily trying to eat the little guy. It about drove Domi crazy... she just couldn't handle the drama of it. Brian and I were about to die laughing at her gasping and going "oooo Noo!!" at the other fishes making passes at the little dude. Yeah, I guess it's kinda mean of us but... they're just fish. That's what big fish do; eat little fish. At any rate mine and B's lack of feeling for fish in general helped heighten our entertainment. :) And I called Graham on the way home from B's (yeah, we'd been playing phone tag all day so I owed him one) and he got to enjoy the story too. Apparently I'm somehow now losing this game of phone tag though I'm not sure how one is suppose to win it. Except that Graham just makes up his own rules that automaticaly give him a win. *shrug* whatever...
Dance practice went really well last night too. There's one song I've already danced to at camp with one of my campers that Jenny wants to dance to also, another song that Angie wants me to kinda be the main character and mime to which is cool but scary, and then a third song that we'd just dance to live during praise and worship kinda as a part of praise and worship. That last song opened some awesome discussion on how we'd all love to actually dance in church more during praise and worship but we don't want it for people to watch us. We just want to let loose with the music and if others feel led to join in, great! Only thing is to dance up front people will watch us. To dance in back we've got the sound booth guys for an audiance which yeah... they're gonna... nah I just don't wanna go there.. great guys but they'll make fun of us and I just don't like feeling like anyone's watching me or that I'm distracting anyone. So we talked about having some of the side chairs in the back moved. I don't know if that'll happen since our #'s have been increasing but perhaps... perhaps. :)
Okie.. I'm gonna go watch some M*A*S*H* re-runs w/mom. I guess I'll go ahead and finish the song (in the title) that I started with (and thanks to mom had stuck in my head today)...
I think I've been hit by cupid
And no one needs to know right now...
Dance practice went really well last night too. There's one song I've already danced to at camp with one of my campers that Jenny wants to dance to also, another song that Angie wants me to kinda be the main character and mime to which is cool but scary, and then a third song that we'd just dance to live during praise and worship kinda as a part of praise and worship. That last song opened some awesome discussion on how we'd all love to actually dance in church more during praise and worship but we don't want it for people to watch us. We just want to let loose with the music and if others feel led to join in, great! Only thing is to dance up front people will watch us. To dance in back we've got the sound booth guys for an audiance which yeah... they're gonna... nah I just don't wanna go there.. great guys but they'll make fun of us and I just don't like feeling like anyone's watching me or that I'm distracting anyone. So we talked about having some of the side chairs in the back moved. I don't know if that'll happen since our #'s have been increasing but perhaps... perhaps. :)
Okie.. I'm gonna go watch some M*A*S*H* re-runs w/mom. I guess I'll go ahead and finish the song (in the title) that I started with (and thanks to mom had stuck in my head today)...
I think I've been hit by cupid
And no one needs to know right now...
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Unwritten
okie.. so I'm gonna pull a Hannah because she burned me this awesome CD for Christmas and I have the first song stuck in my head.
Tell me if that's not a perfect song to start the New Year with? Yeah, I'm falling in love with other songs on the CD but right now I think that's what I'm gonna go to be singing when I go to bed and perhaps I'll even wake up with in my head. :) :) :) :) What a way to start a new year :) :).
Welp, I'm meeting Brian on Thursday night after dance practice to go fish buying with him. He has a fish tank and I guess he just hates going shopping by himself. Or mom thinks he's setting me up to ask me about Graham. Which there isn't much to find out... we just talk alot. Why? I dunno... we just really enjoy talking to each other about weird things. I think we've prolly talked for 15 minutes about his heated car seats and how I'm gonna steal his passenger one and install it in the driver's side of my truck. Or how you can stick a semi-tight sock on a cat's head and watch the aforementioned cat run around the house backwards until it finally figures out how to get the sock off. Or how Mark Twain is absolutely right that the art of lying is in shambles. Or how weird it is that I enjoy sticking my feet out his sunroof. ... whatever...lol.. and how his mom always says "It's never whatever" everytime one of her children say "whatever"...yeah we're wierd and we enjoy it about each other and nothing more... I bet Brian is setting me up. *sigh* Why can't life be perfect!?!? Sheesh.. like God couldn't figure that out yet %) ;). :) :)... but really, I do feel at peace. Just slightly annoyed. But I think I'm good. Yup... I'm aight. :) :)
Okay.. It's time for me to go to bed... but I wanted ya'll to know that song cuz it simply rocks! Lots of love!!!
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins...
Tell me if that's not a perfect song to start the New Year with? Yeah, I'm falling in love with other songs on the CD but right now I think that's what I'm gonna go to be singing when I go to bed and perhaps I'll even wake up with in my head. :) :) :) :) What a way to start a new year :) :).
Welp, I'm meeting Brian on Thursday night after dance practice to go fish buying with him. He has a fish tank and I guess he just hates going shopping by himself. Or mom thinks he's setting me up to ask me about Graham. Which there isn't much to find out... we just talk alot. Why? I dunno... we just really enjoy talking to each other about weird things. I think we've prolly talked for 15 minutes about his heated car seats and how I'm gonna steal his passenger one and install it in the driver's side of my truck. Or how you can stick a semi-tight sock on a cat's head and watch the aforementioned cat run around the house backwards until it finally figures out how to get the sock off. Or how Mark Twain is absolutely right that the art of lying is in shambles. Or how weird it is that I enjoy sticking my feet out his sunroof. ... whatever...lol.. and how his mom always says "It's never whatever" everytime one of her children say "whatever"...yeah we're wierd and we enjoy it about each other and nothing more... I bet Brian is setting me up. *sigh* Why can't life be perfect!?!? Sheesh.. like God couldn't figure that out yet %) ;). :) :)... but really, I do feel at peace. Just slightly annoyed. But I think I'm good. Yup... I'm aight. :) :)
Okay.. It's time for me to go to bed... but I wanted ya'll to know that song cuz it simply rocks! Lots of love!!!
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