Sunday, November 27, 2005

Prince Caspian

I love that book, I think I'll venture to say it's almost my favorite... but I suppose I love them all in their own right. But right now Prince Caspian is definitely my favorite. I cried through listening to most of it. I told Graham and Courtney that and Graham kinda made fun of me for it but I just can't explain it w/o tearing up to some extent... I guess I'm just not comfortable enough to cry and explain myself to my guy friends yet. Whatever, I feel compelled to explain here and maybe someday I'll let the guys read it. OKAY! On with my explaining...

I'm gonna block quote stuff from the book and then tell you why it brings me to tears/I love it.


Then, after an awful pause, the deep voice said, "Susan." Susan made no answer but the others thought she was crying. "You have listened to fears, child," said Aslan. "Come, let me breathe on you. Forget them. Are you brave again?"

"A little, Aslan," said Susan.


I know what it is to be Susan, and to be in fear and walk in fear, at times without even realizing that fear was the force behind my thoughts or actions. In the storyline thus far, Susan's only been crabby and "adultish". Not your typical fear reactions, yet how often when we look at ourselves deep down the reason we've reacted in such a way is because we're afraid of something. We've held on to someone for fear of being alone, fear that God really wouldn't come through. Held on to the familiar for fear of failing in the unfamiliar. Held on to the very things that kills our souls... for fear of what? Fear that God's promises won't be as good or as satisfying as we'd hoped. Or perhaps even fear that He's good enough, but somehow we'll miss it and be left desolate or a failure again. And yet... even though we, perhaps, have come to a place where we haven't seen our fears for what they are Jesus comes to us and says, "You've listened to fears, my beloved, my child. Forget them. Let me love you until the fear in your heart is no more." Doesn't that pierce you somehow? Where you didn't even see your fear, it's pointed out to you but in the same breath it's taken care of with love. How truly, truly beautiful. :)


At a little town half-way to Beaversdam, where two rivers met, they came to another school, where a tired-looking girl was teaching arithmetic to a number of boys who looked very like pigs. She looked out of the window and saw the divine revelers singing up the street and a stab of joy went through her heart. Aslan stopped right under the window and looked up at her.

"Oh, don't, don't," she said. "I'd love to. But I mustn't. I must stick to my work. And the children would be frightened if they saw you."....

...and all the boys began howling with fright and trampling one another down to get out of the door and jumping out of the windows. And it was said afterward (whether truly or not) that those particular little boys were never seen again, but there were a lot of very fine little pigs in that part of the country which had never been there before.

"Now, Dear Heart," said Aslan to the Mistress: and she jumped down and joined them.

At Beaversdam they recrossed the river and came east again along the southern bank. They came to a little cottage where a child stood in the doorway crying. "Why are you crying, my love?" asked Aslan. The child, who had never seen a picture of a lion, was not afraid of him.

"Auntie's very ill," she said. "She's going to die." Then Asland went to go in at the door of the cottage, but it was too small for him. So, when he had got his head through, he pushed with his shoulders... and lifted the whole house up and it fell backward and apart. And there still in her bed, though the bed was now in open air, lay a little old woman who looked as if she had Dwarf blood in her. She was at death's door, but when she opened her eyes and saw the bright, hairy head of the lion staring into her face, she did not scream or faint. She said, "Oh, Aslan! I knew it was true. I've been waiting for this all my life. Have you come to take me away?"

"Yes, Dearest," said Aslan. "But not the long journey yet." And as he spoke, like the flush creeping along the underside of a cloud at sunrise, the color came back to her white face and her eyes grew bright and she sat up and said,"Why, I do declare I feel that better. I think I could take a little breakfast this morning."


First there's the school mistress who's tending what we can guess to be her not so pleasant duty. Yet, inspite of a strong desire to leave she stuck to her duty. How often we do that. Man, even (for me) the past 2 years have felt like that. I've shut my heart down to some of the things I love the most (like horses) to dedicate myself to my duty of becoming a well educated, intelligent individual who is properly equipped to better society. For me, at what cost? The cost that I'm now finding it incredibly difficult to get back into one of my first loves (horses)? But Aslan came to the Mistress and freed her from her "chains". He did not come to her and entice her away from what she rightfully should be doing; he simply made that duty disappear and let her heart free. How beautiful is that? What a picture... if we make Him our focus, he will indeed set our hearts free. In fact, that's the very scripture Jesus read from Isaiah in the beginning of His ministry:" He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners". And that scripture brings me to the dear old lady. She was near her death in the somewhat darkened indoors when suddenly a beautiful lion -the lion - stuck his head through her door and broke the walls from around her letting in the beautiful summertime sunshine and air. The dear saviour she had hoped in had come...and her heart was a peace and she expected to be made whole... in the form of being taken to Aslan's Country (heaven). And Aslan did not let her down... but he had a greater gift than her hopes. He wanted her to live on - healthy, joyful, and full. Can't you feel the love in Aslan's words "Yes, Dearest, but not the long journey yet."? Yes, Dearest, but I have better than death for you. I have come so that you will know my love for you more fully and can teach others my love. Jesue came "to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."(Isa.61:3) It's just through C.S Lewis' story this scripture, and those like it become so much more tangible. Yes, my love, I've come for you.. but not to show you an end. I've come to show you glorious new beginnings.




Friday, November 25, 2005

Thanksgiving

May I make the statement that food is wonderful? Well, it really truly is especially after you've been sick on Thanksgiving Day and night and food sounds simply horrible. Eating today has been wonderful. And not studying. And sleeping. All entirely wonderful. I think I like working for the college system just a little bit. I don't have to work 'til Monday. How gloriously, gloriously sweet! Shopping tomorrow perhaps. I can't think in complete sentences but that's okay. I've been trying listen to Prince Caspian (Graham's missing a CD from the Magician's Nephew), but haven't gotten to as much as I'd like. At least I'm listening to it now. Graham called me today to "remind" me to keep my towel near by and such that he got quite a few laughs from Hitchhicker's Guide. And something to the effect that he seems to see himself as Marvin (the paranoid android). To be completely honest I'd have to agree but he's not nearly so depressing to hang around as Marvin is or would be. It's a bit strange. But whatever... I'm glad he enjoyed it. I'll yack at him more on Sunday.

We got our Christmas tree today. I think I really like our tradition of getting our Christmas tree on the day after Thanksgiving. Seems like it won't be too long and we'll be getting two trees - one for my own place. It's weird though, that I think that. I mean.. I don't see moving out soon, or getting married either, though if I take the time to be still there's a peace. It's just wierd - this sense of sooness I have. *shrug* Whatever.

"Look! Look! The Lion! Aslan himself!!"

In my childhood I didn't like Prince Caspian that much. I found it rather boring. Now I don't know why I like it so much more, but I do. :)... Okay. I have some download stuff to do and vitamin C water to drink and I'm enjoying listening to the Chronicles....
Adieu fair readers :) adieu...

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Winding Up In a Whirlwind

I just got home from dance practice at church and it looks like things have pulled together. We don't really feel that together but the video tape looked a lot better than it felt. So we have one more practice tomorrow and we dance on Sunday 8:30Am and 11Am. I think I feel a bit more confindent.

I think I'll borrow The Magician's Nephew next. I've loved The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. It's funny. I teared up at different parts listening to it than I did reading the book. But it was all together good. :)

I got a call back from Don this morning about taking Josiah to the Opera Ball and he said of course I could bring an escort. He wouldn't have it any other way, so Josiah goes with me. Josiah seems pretty excited about it. I think he's settled on buying a black suit but he can't decide on what color shirt. He wanted to put a drab olive green with it, but Camille and I strongly encouraged him to go with a very dark hunter or forest green. Camille was more in favor a rich blue shirt b/c Josiah has blue eyes but Josiah objected b/c... I don't remember why. It was lame whatever it was :). He's so funny. He's being almost as bad as a girl about his suit. But then he's looking at spending around $400 on it because he want's to have it fitted so I guess I can't complain. I mean the rest of the guys would have just gone to Goodwill and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just nice that he reeeally want's to look his best. And he's excited that he's gonna get to wear it twice: once to the Opera Ball and once to Julia's formal in January. I hope he has a good time at the ball. I still haven't had the heart to ask him if he'll pick me up here... I wouldn't mind meeting him in Asheville but mom's all concerned about weather and drunks out late and me driving and all manner of silliness. We'll see what happens with that one.

Maisha asked Jason and me today if we were related. It's kinda weirded Jay out but I found it amusing so he played along and said he got all the looks in the family. I blamed his looks on the milkman. Apparently our "bickering" is amusing. I wonder if it's what Dominique calls our "little old couple on the verge of divorce" sound. Whatever... that was an interesting first for my brother and me today :).

We have a test on Chapter 11 sections 1-5 on Tuesday. We just began covering section 5 today. Then Val intends to cram 5 sections and test us on it before finals. It'll basically end up our last Tues. taking the sections 6-10 test and the next 2 days after that taking the final. Right now I have a 89.2% average in the class. I've gotta pull off some high A's and B's on these last few tests to bring that back up to an A. I did for organics... can I do it again? Who knows. %)

*sigh* that's about it here... oh mom's trying to make me start working on my Bachelors at UNC-A next semester. To be totally honest I don't want to. I want to ride horses. But I've been failing my attempts so far to get back into horses and I'm wondering if it's going to take not working at all to accomplish that. (getting back into horses I mean) shoooo... I dunno. A dance minor or sports medicine minor look like fun. Though a math minor would likely be more feasible. whatever...

I love hazelnut, pumpkin spice, and gingerbread lattes (not all mixed together though). I'm sick of coughing (And NO Jason I will NOT go to the doctor for a silly cough just because you did!) He doesn't read my blog nor have the address. I just felt better getting to "yell" at him w/o him knowing *silly angelic smile*

Kay, I really need to get me to bed. Oh Jonathan said he's no longer talking to Hannah... Jay's annoyed with him though not for that reason. Jonathan tried to play footsie with me today which... I don't know why it annoyed me *shrug*... I was almost really getting along with him too. *sigh* Kay... I need to sleep! %p :) I love ya'll!!!!!!! HUGS & KISSES

Monday, November 14, 2005

The Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything...

... is 42. We know that from dear Douglas Adams and his book The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. But Brian Ferree stopped by work today and I mentioned to him my new thought. Maybe perhaps that ever elusive ultimate question is indeed a sum. The sum of infinite what, we don't know. That is the question ;).

...And I'm sick of coughing...Jason shouldn't share...well at least if he shares the cough he shares the cough drops, though he did have to talk me into eating one (I, as a rule, hate Halls... but the strawberry ones aren't too bad).

It looks like I'm taking Josiah as a "date"/"escort" to the Opera Ball. I didn't really think he'd wanna go when I asked him. 'Course it'd been a little weird asking Caleb so it was less weird asking Josiah (weirdness based on asking a younger guy that is.. it was still a bit awkward). Anywho, I need to check with Marylin and Don and see if it's okay. There are times I question myself wanting an escort but I guess I've started it and Josiah is actually interested enough that he bothered to ask me about it today so I guess I'm gonna see this one through.

I'm borrowing the Focus on the Family Radio Theater version of The Voyage of the Dawn Treader from Graham Bryant this week. I love it. Some things aren't as I expected, but I've found myself looking for excuses to keep driving than to have to stop listening to it. (I listen to stuff when I drive... at least anything that would demand my attention. Music is usually for studying to anymore.) But anywho.. I understand now why he got off in a British accent on Sunday. I don't know why I hadn't realized the characters would have British accent's but *shrug*. It's fun to listen to. Graham and I have way too much fun talking on the phone. %) boys... oh and there's the funny part of the book that I'd forgotten when Eustance is journaling that... they were 13 days at see being blown before a hurricane though the others said it was only 12, he had been keeping very accurate count. Imagine! Being stuck at sea with people who can't count properly!... I about died laughing at that. Especially since it's the general joke that I can't count, add, or subtract worth anything. It made me feel a bit better though. I mean if Prince Caspian or Lucy or Edmund or Lord Drinian can't count then maybe it's okay that I can't count either. Though it's not very helpful with timesheets and time clock reports. Whatever. :)

Today was a tired sleepy day and I need to get me to bed. I love ya'll! G'night Oh! one more thing.... Jason when to church on Sunday.. or at least he was suppose to. Jessie said they talked and he said he felt the need to get more serious about his faith. :D... it's just good to hear that. For the record he might not have gone to church because he went to the doctor about his cough. I think his granparents made him go and now he's trying to make me go. %p... it's a silly cough and I won't go. If I break a bone or something more serious than just a cough I'll go. But there's no reason why I can't weather a cough, and he shan't bully me into going. So there! *halfway silly smile at myself* Okay.. I really am ready to go to bed. G'night!

Thursday, November 03, 2005

God's Paintbrush

Kay.. this is just a quickie post but man o' man... this is indeed my most favorite time of year. Eventhough the trees aren't nearly as brilliant as years past the whole ridge above Mary's Gap is sunkissed with gold and here and there across the mountains there are flames of orange and scarlet. It's magnificent!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

"Oh her eyes are amber-fine/ Deep and dark as wells of wine..."

Wow.. I feel like there's so much. The prayer conference in Branson, Missouri was awesome. It's prolly the closest thing I've found to a camp at Living Waters so far. And my the strange things working in my soul....

At the prayer conference there was a special corporate prayer thing to pray for those who have been wayward/slack/just nominal about their faith to become passionately on fire for God again. I know that sounds boring or bland but it was so good. Even though we didn't sing it, the residual song from last week is

"I get joy just thinkin' about
What He's done for me
I get joy joy thinkin' about
What He's done for me..."

I don't know who sings it but it's perfect. Everyone around me seems to think I'm going to be getting married soon. While that does annoy me sometimes, it's also just seeming more like a sweet promise than a frustration that I "don't have someone" yet. I think what I've noticed the most since I've been home is what a lack of seriousness my friends have towards their faith. But some seem so close to the edge of being on fire if someone would just show them and teach them how to be passionate about God. *sigh* I did miss them dearly the week I was gone.

And oh my, the change in my heart after going back to Missouri. I was born in Kansas City, Mo. I never even visted the Ozark Mountains (southern Mo. (they're actually 1/3 the size of the Blue Ridge)) when I lived in Missouri. But something there called to me. I mean, I thought it was beautiful while I was there but when I came home to the mountians, it wasn't the same. I've always felt this peace or settling in my soul when I've come to my mountains after being away... but this time it didn't feel like home. They didn't feel welcoming or comforting... they didn't feel like the resting place they always have. Strangly the Ozarks seem more like home. I almost shudder at that. I... *sigh* how do I describe it? Part of me want's to go back to southern Missouri because it... it... if feels like my own, my native land? And the love for this place that I've just visited for the first time is so strangely strong... but a large portion of my heart belongs to my friends here. It's just that somehow it seems like my heart doesn't belong to the mountains any more. That's so unnerving. I want to be happy and settle down here. I love my friends so much. It's like I've finally found my place here and there my heart up and goes somewhere else on me. I dunno... it's weird to say the least.

I'd post more but I'd like to go to bed now... I do have pictures of Branson and Table Rock Lake (in the Ozarks) and hopefully I'll have them posted here or at my picture website soonly. Anywho.. I love ya'll! I'm off...