Meanderings

I don't really have anything in particular to say. I just have this obligatory feeling of posting something to balance out my despairing wail, since I've felt neither despairing nor wailing in the last few weeks. I think I'm not letting my struggles get the better of me... or I'm letting apathy keep me from guilt. But I think it's more the former with a small touch of the latter. I'm reading Blue Like Jazz and it's challenging me to be more real. It's been, so far, like Romans 12 from the Message Bible. I keep switching back and forth from living the goodness of God from my own strength, and getting really frustrated, and living the goodness of God from His strength, and wondering what I thought was so difficult about loving others. But... I think I'm learning that, rather than feeling like I keep falling into a muddy ditch and then crawling out again, it's more like dancing. I've kinda got the rhythm, but I keep forgetting to let Him lead. So, while I'm staying on beat for the most part, (to watch me you wouldn't think anything's that off) I don't always take the right step. It's not a sin to not take the perfect right step. God doesn't think me a failure for it by any means. But He does expect me to keep trying. Baby steps, and missteps don't insult Him, but choosing to stay a baby does. He expects growth. But He delights in our growing process, (it seems to me) just as much as in the "final product". We, as humans, tend to get sick of the journey and crave the ending of all travels. But I think the journey may just be His favorite part. *soft smile* I dunno... that's just what's floating around in my head today. I think it's time for me to shove off and get my day started. Loves!