Rhythms and Finding the Deep

You know that rhythm.. that song that bubbles up from nowhere? It's not necessarily any song you've heard before, but some tune you find yourself humming. It's been absent in me for awhile. Infact nearly any tune coming to mind to hum has been absent.... but I'm finding it slowly, shyly bubbling up. It's not the wild possessing tune it use to be, but it's more like an airy waltz. It's shy... and I can't call it up at will. But it comes to me occassionally.... more frequently than that music in general is coming back. Sometimes it's Moondance, and other times some worship music I've heard at camp. I'm realizing the hunger in myself for God. Not that I would have denied it before... but the earnest yearning to go deeper.. to be satisfied.. and knowing that people, places, and nothing else can really satisfy that hunger. But I find lacking the ability or the direction to dive into the deep. I know it's necessity but there isn't a devotional that really inspires me to get there. But is it some failure within myself that I need "inspiration"? I'm seriously considering fasting over break.... to press in. Going up to Living Waters was sooooo good. Freedom to get lost in worship.. and freedom to let girlfriends love on each other. That's the bad part of working with lesbians. Ya just tend to watch yourself because of them. But being around dear girlfriends and sharing our Heavenly Daddy's love was just awesome. I miss that sense of community, but I hope somehow someway to create it (or make opportunity for it to exist) in this horsey venture God's taking me on. It's so difficult to walk patiently. *wry smile* Oh for life's transitions, eh? I want so much to be full of God's love and love others the way He does.. but I always find myself lacking. Sometimes I feel like I'm learning to stand on my own to feet when I should be learning to dance. But all in His time.

I'm taking dancing for fitness as a class this fall! Isn't that exciting?!.. I'm thinking about taking a continuing ed begining guitar class in the spring. It's very exciting. And I'm riding more these days. I'm realizing what a wonderful ole diva horse I own. And I have a feeling God's gonna be teaching me some incredible stuff with my new little girlie (Stella) that I'm training. I think that's all for my ramble today. :-)