"Whap! Thump! KerWack!"

That, my dears, is what life feels like it's doing to my head.....all of me actually.. but knowing what a worry wart I can be, it's quite easy to conclude why my head seems to be getting the beating. Is life really that bad? No, just more stressful than I prefer and I'm seriously thinking about being 5 years old again. I know, I know... then I wouldn't know any of you. And I love you all dearly. But ignorant bliss is enticing. The silliest thing that I've rather beat myself for because it was really letting Satan get to me... Graham went to a concert w/guyfriends last night. He called me several times from the concert but never left a message (and I missed the calls). And when he didn't call 'til noon-ish today I was worried that perhaps something happened. How stupid is that? He really had no reason to call me at all. There's no requirement that he should have and no reason for him to think that I would be concerned... will someone make my brain stop working like this????!!!! ARG! That I can live with though and just think "Bah, I was being silly." and determine not to think that way again. In other frustrations...I'm now responsible for paying for my own gas. No biggie.. and a reasonable request from my parents... however I live in the middle of nowhere and have already spent a bit over $900 of my parent's money on gas this year. I've been fore-warned it's rediculous to spend that much on gas particularly on my income and I don't blame my 'rents for not wanting to keep it up, but the lectures on "curtailing" one's social life are annoying. Thankfully I have a lovely boyfriend who will come and pick me up if I ask. But someday it will come to "He shouldn't be wasting so much money on gas. He needs to save." So we'll talk on the phone. "You spend entirely too much time on the phone." Well at least I'm already paying for my part of the cell phone bill and Verizon to Verizon is free!!!! Again, I'm likely over thinking and stressing. *sigh*... Having a social life to the extent that I do isn't wrong. I can't help that I live as far away as I do. I'd love to move closer to Asheville but I don't have the financial means yet.. that's why I got talked into going back to school. There really shouldn't be such a thing as too much time with my boyfriend so long as I'm not neglecting personal time with God and not letting my other relationships deteriorate completely. We're looking at spending the rest of our lives together.. we find some amount of time "too much" right now then perhaps we should seriously question marraige. We haven't reached that point. *sigh* But am I letting my relationship with my parents deteriorate or is it just a natural growing away? Mom thinks she's done a great job letting me go.. which so far she has but I can see her not happy if I moved out if I didn't see her everyday. I dunno....ARG! It just feels like a lot of different transition/changing seasons of my life are happening at once... particularly my relationships and finances. I know that I know I don't know everything. I have a lot of growing to do. But everything seems like it's in a thick spider's web that I keep struggling against and I just keep tearing things little bit by little bit that I don't want to. I do need full days at home to think and spend time with God. I do know that much. And I need to stay concious of taking on as much extra responsiblities around the house as I can. And doing stuff with mom. I feel stretched. Spending time with Court, Graham, and Mom... and I'd love to spend more time with Dad. Mom seems to be of the opinion if you feel stretched, drop something. But that option makes me want to sit down and cry. I love my parents and my friends. *sigh* This is just a tough growing spot I guess. It will be okay. :o). At least the talks mom and I have had so far have gone well. She's trying to work with me and I'm doing my best to show I'm will to work with her. I know that these relationships are a God thing so this is just Satan coming against me and my family and the Good that God has planned for me.