...yet connected all the same :).
Funny how this life is.. you'd think so long as something wasn't morally wrong, there shouldn't be any reason for one to wish away things that make one smile. Yet I find myself doing just that. But then there's this terrifying place for me of learning how to love and letting my heart be stretched out in ways unfamiliar... and going before God and asking to be that kind of woman, who by others loving her become more true and loving to what they should be. And realizing that, that won't come until I let go of fears and stay near Him and learn His ways. And trust. And not be afraid and not wish away those things that make me go around and smile like a silly goose. Just offer them up to Him at the end of the day and let Him have them. And trust that in days to follow He'll continue to provide those smiles when I need them from whom He decides to send them through. Everything will indeed be okay. Trust. :) I never really realized how many or how strong my fears are sometimes... I guess I'd been hiding from them and I just freaked out at facing them.. but I'm facing them and shall walk through. :) I know this likely only makes partial sense but it's my mind working itself out.
When I did the 3 day fast with my church congregation I fasted secular media so in the evening Mom and I ended up watch Christain TV. Through that we learned about this preacher in Ga. who was teaching on the 21 day Daniel fast (fasting meat, breads, & sweets...eating only fruits and veggies and drinking water) and fasting in general. I'm not inclined to go into it here, except it's a time of prayer and petition before God and it seriously weakens the enemy's strongholds in your life. Mom and Dad and I decided to embark on a 21 day Daniel fast together as a family starting tomorrow. We'll be fasting about somethings together (like moving closer to Asheville) and some things that we chose to pray about individually. I don't really know why I'm posting about it here - I hate telling ppl when I'm fasting - but perhaps I'll mention in posts to follow what I'm fasting about and such. I dunno. I just felt like posting about it. And I am excited about it... though... %p... fearful too. I guess fearful of what I might find out about myself or what I may be asked to let go of... but I'll just have to cross those bridges when I come to them, eh?
Today my church kicked off new season in the women's ministry. They've named the women's ministry QUEST.. which is an acronym for Quiet Spirit, Encouragement, Service, Training. I wasn't really comfortable with the acronym at first but the lady who's in charge has read Captivating and that somehow just set me at peace... and I'm excited about it. Oh.. btw... we "kicked off" by having a ladies' luncheon and cookie exchange. It was cool.
Life's a dance. And places and parts of it are so much fun and beautiful and you just get lost in the beauty and the joy of it. And other places are scary and rough because you want to anticipate the next part and you can't and none of it is familiar and being me I seriously worry about "messing it up" or "stepping on someone's toes". And that's where I just have to trust the Master Dancer and let Him lead and not get worried over not knowing what comes next and just be certain I'm in His arms 'cause if I'll just relax and listen to His sweeter song He'll guide me through the complicated part and make it beautiful.
...So close my eyes and hold my heart
Cover me and make me something
Change this something normal into something beautiful...
...And I'm still fighting for the word to break these chains
And I still pray when I look in Your eyes
You'll look back down into something beautiful...
Jars of Clay... kinda sad sounding but not meant to be. Just the song that came to mind. And it fits. It works too with the part I have in the dance coming up. That seems to be shaping up rather well too. It's still gonna be the grace of God I pull it off but things are falling into place. I guess I've not much else to say. I know life will work itself out in the end. heh heh I just don't like getting car sick in the bumpy parts of life's road. Ya know?...lol
I love ya'll!!!! Don't be too concerned by my unsettledness... all will be well. :)
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