I need You

I need more time
I need more money
I need more advice
I need more love

I need another chance
An open hand
I need more grace and pretty face

I need happiness
I need an escape
I need more sleep
And I need to feel safe

What this all comes down to... is I need You.

When will this week end? Granted I had fun on Friday with Court and Jay and Jessie and Caleb and lawnmower boy (Eric) and Justin. But I about "had it" with Jay and Justin. Just too much "boy" for one day. I still haven't posted pics from that fair trip. Church was kinda boring on Sunday except Laurel asked me to lead grow group next week. That freaked me out but I've emailed her and told her I would... if God sees fit to stretch me in that way then so be it. Monday started with a nasty mood swing and no sleep. And a really long day. I was suppose to study yesterday and ended up going to Jackson's (western tack store) with Courtney and Jason and Graham and Caleb. Calculus 2 is kicking my butt big time right now folks. How amusing my daydream of beating Brian's grade. I'll be happy for a "C" on the next test at this point. I haven't been able to focus at all this week. Tomorrow is Jay's birthday and we're gonna celebrate it on Friday. I called Court today about the gift that we were going to get him together and she told me that Eric had asked her if Caleb and I were going together. Mom has been saying that Caleb has a crush on me though I've brushed it off. So maybe it is true? Heck I dunno. I hope not. I love the kid to pieces but... 4 years younger? Just not wise.

The sun is set
The sky is clear
And I'm left wondering why I'm still standing here
Looking back on days we spent
When we lived and loved without a safty net

Now things have changed and will never be the same
I need a place to rest my weary head...

Catch me when fall
Save me from the tears
Though I might look strong
I'm not as I appear
Though I might seem brave
I'm really sad and lonely
Hear me when I call
In a voice so faint and small
Catch me when I fall...

Close my eyes and sing a song
Longing for a love that's deep and strong
Letting go of days we spent
I'll live and love until I find him yet
Some things have changed and'll never be the same
Until I find a place to rest my weary head.
~ "Catch Me When I Fall"

How is it I can miss someone who hasn't really been apart of my life for a while? And yet I miss him. I wish he were here. But why? Would we even have a good time? Would he even like my friends? I guess I just wish I could share a good/happy time instead of confrontation and arguing. Arg. And mom's irritated with me because I haven't been pulling my part of the load around here lately. How does one stinking calculus class make everything so dang helter-skelter? LIFE IS A CONFUSING MESS! Animal crackers are a good constant in life. There aren't enough hours in a day and even if there were I'm not getting sound enough sleep to make good of them. How the heck am I suppose to lead a Bible study when I'm so messed up? How am I suppose to help my friends keep on God's path when I'm blinded and can't find it for myself? Why can't I crawl in a hole and sleep good refreshing sleep and find it all vanished and life great again? WHY IS LIFE SO DANG STRESSFUL? *sigh* Somewhere in all this I'm suppose to find satifaction in God. Oh that He would give me a place to rest "my weary head"!... and so I must end tonight. I love you, Lord and I love ya'll.